


An Intelligence Test

by Omeganian



Series: My translations [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien is Way Too Sheltered, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Identity Reveal, Pregnancy, Romance, Translation from Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 18:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omeganian/pseuds/Omeganian
Summary: Chat Noir and Ladybug have been dating for the past three years, five months and twenty-seven days, and partners for longer than that, so Chat could state with certainty that he knew his beloved through and through. But sometimes, he didn't understand her at all. For example, what was that strange stick with two lines that she pushed silently into his hands before leaving? And why did his father, upon seeing it in his son's hands, start behaving so weirdly? And the friends, too, have reacted strangely once Adrien showed them that stick...





	An Intelligence Test

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ozero_Kate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozero_Kate/gifts).
  * A translation of [Тест на сообразительность](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13924440) by [Ozero_Kate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozero_Kate/pseuds/Ozero_Kate). 



**The Bastille and the Bastion**

They say all actions can be divided into two groups; the ones a person is proud of, and the ones he or she are sorry about. At her age of twenty-two, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was most definitely proud of selflessly guarding Paris for the past few years. No less flattering for her ego was the fact that she had easily managed to handle the news of Adrien Agreste being in love with some mysterious person. Marinette was likewise glad she’d managed to let her feelings for him go, and even more glad that she had decided to return Chat Noir’s love in kind. That scoundrel had managed to catch her heart after all.

The one thing she was sorry about, however, was the fact that the heroes, having decided to celebrate the Bastille Day together, have forgotten to take along a certain very important object.

On the one hand, Marinette loved her Kitten, and had no doubts about his feelings for the spotted Lady. On the other, that was the point; she loved Chat, and he – his partner. Even if they haven’t been “just partners” for the past three years, the masks were yet to be removed! Of course, it was more her fault than Noir’s; after all, he’s been suggesting for awhile now that they should reveal themselves to each other, but still, Marinette wasn’t ready to make such an important step.

Even if she did feel ready for what they’ve been doing the day of Bastille’s – akuma damn it – storming.

They were both twenty-two, they’ve been dating for three years, and could certainly afford this kind of pastime. Besides, the darkness added an atmosphere of mystery, it sharpened the senses, and, with the heroes not seeing each other mask-free, meant some truly unforgettable sensations, ones that were hard to refuse just because someone didn’t take a condom along.

And so, Ladybug did not refuse.

It was a good thing that Hawk Moth had not been heard from in a year and a half, meaning the heroine could easily afford a maternity leave.

But first, she had to think of a way to tell the dad-to-be that he wasn’t the only Kitten anymore.

***

Noir was pacing the roof with wide steps, constantly putting his staff into communicator mode, and checking the screen for the red beacon indicating the approach of the heroine, who was inexcusably – fifteen whole minutes! – late to a patrol. To tell the truth, even half an hour long delays weren’t uncommon for Ladybug. Chat wasn’t quite innocent in this regard either, with his busy schedule, but it didn’t stop him from worrying every time his beloved was delayed by as little as twenty-seven seconds.

Did something happen? Did Hawk Moth decide to return to Paris? Did a new villain appear? Worse, did that guy the Lady was in love with during her school years decide to wise up, changed his mind, confessed his love to her, and the Bug didn’t need her Kitty anymore?

Yes, they’ve been dating for three years, five months and twenty-seven days, and the Lady herself kept saying how she was glad to have chosen her partner… but she still didn’t remove her mask in front of him! Noir knew that his Bug would not hesitate a moment before trusting him with her life, so how come she didn’t trust him with her identity? Did she intend to have a fallback path in case that mysterious guy (may his room stink of Camembert for eternity!) came back into her life?

Chat bit his lip, sat down and hid the face in his hands. He, having learned all the joys of loving and being loved in return, would never be able to handle the news of the Lady wanting to break up!

So long as she comes soon, hugs him and says she still loves him!.. preferably strongly enough to remove the mask.

But, alas, as if to reinforce all of Chat’s negative thought, with an unusually clumsy landing, Ladybug stated that they need to have a serious talk.

Noir’s heart punched right through his chest.  
  
He even thought for a moment that perhaps he should run away from his Lady. That way, he’ll avoid the conversation, and thus retain the status of her boyfriend a bit longer, except that Noir feared it will only make things worse. Besides, as soon as he made a step backwards, Bug’s hand landed on her yo-yo, which could only mean one thing; the slightest hint of an escape attempt, and the hero will find himself tied up, possibly hanging upside down as well for good measure.  
  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Chat attempted to grab a hold of himself with all ten claws and look as casual as possible. He wasn’t too successful in that, considering the words “serious talk” spoken by his beloved were enough, on their own, to make him pale enough to justify changing his alias to Blanc, feel cold sweat bead all over his body, and quake so hard that someone should be measuring it by Richter and evacuating the surrounding houses.

“What about, my Lady?” Chat attempted to smile, except that the smile, which should have been seductive enough to make the Bug reconsider leaving him for another, was so unnatural and nervous, that his photographer would have had seizures at it.

“About us,” answered the heroine, for some reason not daring to look at her boyfriend, making him all the more worried.  
  
“About us?”  Noir echoed hesitantly. These two words, and combined with “serious talk”, were the absolutely worst thing imaginable! And it wasn’t about Ladybug removing her mask before him, that Chat was certain about!

“Yes, about us,” Bug repeated, shifting from one foot to another, and, lost in thought, looking at the sky.

Noir looked at the same direction, but the only thing he saw was a cloud in the vague shape of either a heron or a stork.

“Bugaboo, maybe patrol first?” Chat mumbled in a desperate attempt to delay the inevitable. Besides, he still had some faint hope that during the patrol, he could somehow impress his love, making her forget about this talk.

“That’s part of what I wanted to talk about,” Ladybug nodded, interpreting Noir’s words her own way; as if he offered to deal not with their duties as heroes, but with part of that ill-fated ‘serious talk’. “Soon, I will probably stop going on patrols.”

“Wh-why?” Chat managed to get out, praying that the answer won’t be ‘because instead of patrols, I’ll be going on dates’.

Except no answer followed. Instead Ladybug, blushing furiously (much like she did when speaking of her former love four years ago!), was twirling some little stick in her hands. Chat had no idea what it could be for, and his beloved’s silence was scaring him more than any akuma ever had, more than meeting his father after a missed photoshoot!

“My Lady, are you leaving me for another?” Chat, who decided to forgo the attempts to delay the inevitable, couldn’t recognize his own voice.

“What?!” Bug almost dropped the stick from shock. “How could you ever think that?” she frowned.

Realizing he rushed a bit with his conclusions and had once again screwed himself over, Noir allowed himself to catch a breath, although he dared not completely relax yet. After all, the “serious talk” was yet to be finished, and the reason Bug decided to quit the patrols was still a mystery to Chat.

“Then what did you want to talk about?” Noir wondered, hugging _his_ Lady, the one who will most certainly not leave him,

“Why did you even think I want to break up with you?” maybe not leave him, but she was certainly upset at him. Enough that she didn’t return her Chat’s hug!

Still, in the three years, five months and twenty-seven days of being her boyfriend, Noir did learn her weaknesses, so now he used the strongest card - his feline _charismew_. Usually, as soon as Noir rubbed his cheek against Ladybug’s, she forgave him just about any misstep. So now…

“Stop it.”

So now this move didn’t work. Moreover, for the first time in two years, seven months and five days, Bug moved Noir’s face away from hers.

“My Lady, is everything okay with you?” Chat asked worriedly, once again scared of the entire situation. “Did something happen? Do you not love me anymore?”

“Oh, God, Chat, won’t you ever stop?” the heroine rolled her eyes. “I do.”

“Then what did you want to talk about?”

“If you were not distracting me all the time, I would have said everything by now.” Bug snickered, before taking that very stick that she’s been squeezing like mad all along and pushing into the still totally confused guy’s hands. “Here!” she said in a tone that implied this was the answer to all of her Kitty’s questions. “Now, excuse me, but I need to go.”

Ladybug pecked Noir on the cheek as he was still looking at her strange gift, before spinning her yo-yo and flying away before the Chat could even understand what’s happening.

Or at least ask what it was she handed to him.

***

“Plagg, what do you think this is?” Adrien asked, hoping that the several thousand years old being would know the purpose of the mysterious stick.

“Definitely not Camembert,” the gluttonous kwami stated the obvious. “speaking of which; I’m hungry, feed me.”

“I know it’s no cheese,” Adrien snarled back. “No suggestions at all?”

“Was it the Lady who gave you that thing? Go and ask her.”

The guy sighed tiredly. If he could have asked Ladybug that, he would have by now! Except that, upon handing him the stick, the Lady left so quickly that the Chat didn’t even have time to react. Nor could Adrien contact his beloved, since he knew neither her phone number nor her Facebook page. Alas, Bug refused to even open a hero’s account, due to it jeopardizing that disgusting secret of her identity. Damn, they didn’t even agree on the next meeting time. What if Ladybug decided to quit patrols starting tomorrow already?

No, she wouldn’t do that to him. On the other hand, handing him some mysterious object and vanishing didn’t sound like her either. What if his Lady said nothing on purpose, to see whether her Chat could determine on his own by the next patrol, what the stick she gave him was?

Well, if so, Noir accepts the challenge.

***

Adrien was used to Gabriel Agreste almost never dining with him due to work, so he never expected today the designer will make an exception. On the rare occasions that his father did come down to the dining room, Adrien did his best to make the impression of a good son: sitting straight, chewing the food thoroughly, not allowing himself to get distracted by the Ladyblog…

And certainly not twirling some strange object, definitely looking nothing like _cutlery_ , in his hands.

“Is something wrong?” Gabriel’s unusually concerned voice interrupted Adrien’s thoughts, making him flinch and nearly drop the stick.

“Sorry, Father, I didn’t notice you,” the young man said as he put the Lady’s gift in his pocket. “It won’t happen anymore,” Adrien added, hoping to cut down on the duration of Gabriel Sr.’s lecture on proper table manners.

Except there were no admonitions.

“You can tell me what concerns you,” Gabriel said to his surprise. “I am your father after all,” he noted, adjusting his glasses in embarrassment.

“Nothing serious, just a girlfriend’s riddle I’m trying to solve,” Adrien explain, suddenly realizing he must have been very deep in his thoughts, for his universally stoic father to be worried like that.

“You have a girlfriend?” the designer asked, a shadow of surprise on his face for the first time in years.

“For the past three years, five days and twenty-seven days,” Adrien answered, blushing dreamily. “I told you about her.”

Hearing these words, Gabriel frowned, trying to remember either that conversation, or the moment his son grew up, but Adrien misinterpreted the expression; he was afraid his father was displeased at what he just learned. Even now, with the young man having been an adult for years, the strict parent was controlling almost every step of his – what if now he’ll try ordering his son about whom he should or should not date? No way! Noir had been struggling so long for his Lady’s love, not even Gabriel Agreste himself could stand in their way now. If he’ll try ordering him to break up with his love, Adrien will leave the house! And then tell Ladybug about it. Maybe that will convince her to not only reveal herself, but also give shelter to the poor homeless Kitty.

“How come you’ve never invited her over?” his father’s sudden question pulled the son back into reality, not allowing him to properly enjoy the fantasies about the Lady allowing Noir to scrub her back in the shower (he didn’t have time to continue the thought below the back).

“S-so-o-o… so you don’t object to me having a girlfriend?” Adrien asked in disappointment, his beautiful reveal plan going off the paws.

“Of course not,” for the second time, surprise appeared on Gabriel Agreste’s face. “You have been dating for three years now, I believe you should introduce her to me.”

“She is too… shy,” the young man said evasively, trying to imagine introducing Ladybug to his father. And the Lady herself, adamant about keeping their identities secret, reacting to meeting the Chat’s parent.

“Perhaps I could help you with something?” all of Gabriel’s attitude was displaying the desire to make up for all the missed years over the dinner, and a wish to fix things up between them. “What was that riddle she gave you?”

Adrien raised an eyebrow skeptically. He had long wished for his father to pay attention to him, but even the thought of Ladybug agreeing to remove her mask in front of him seemed more realistic. Could it be that Hawk Moth decided to return from his long vacation, and he was looking at an akuma?

No, that seemed to be the real Gabriel Agreste.

“Do you know what this is?” a suddenly perked up Adrien took the coveted stick out of his pocket.

***

Adrien had no idea why his father instantly paled upon seeing the Lady’s present, _squeaked_ “I need to call Nathalie”, and literally sprinted into his study. One thing he could guess though; Gabriel definitely knew what the mysterious stick’s purpose was, otherwise, he would _not_ have reacted like _that_. Except it wasn’t possible to ask him about it; Agreste Sr. was allowing no one in, was ignoring the knocking, and the only thing heard from behind the door was the moans over when did Gabriel miss his chance with his son’s education. Adrien kept standing there for a few more minutes, amazed at the constant exclamations that Father himself has seen something like that _not even_ twenty-three years ago, that he wasn’t ready for it yet, that kids are growing way too fast.

Now he was all the more curious to know what Ladybug had left him.

Deciding that googling for “stick with two lines” was unlikely to give him the correct answer – too general a description, after all, - Adrien asked for Nino’s help, the two agreeing to meet at a café in the morning. After all, Lahiffe had more experience with real world matters.

And the latter, under the excuse that three heads are better than one, brought Alya and Marinette along.

***

“So you _don’t know_ what _this_ is, and have assembled a whole consilium?” Alya questioned, sipping leisurely at her milkshake, as Nino was choking from silent laughter, and Marinette was meticulously inspecting her salad, which appeared to smell wrong, paying absolutely no attention to whatever interested Adrien.

“Yes, I do not,” Adrien confirmed with a frown. “I wouldn’t be asking otherwise. Would you tell me what this is? Because Father did behave kind of strange yesterday, after he…”

“So you’ve asked your father, too?” Lahiffe snickered into his fist before clapping the friend on the shoulder. “You sure are one for taking risks! Where did you ever get this thing?”

“My girl gave it to me,” Adrien answered.

“Obviously not a guy,” Alya shook her head.

It was no secret for his friends, that Adrien had spent a lot of time struggling for the love of a mysterious girl who, time and time again, turned him down; him, one of the most eligible guys in Paris. They have long since wanted to meet this imperviously-stubborn mademoiselle, but Adrien insisted she was too shy, and not ready for that step yet. Except the stick he brought was not quite consistent with the image of a shy, unassailable girl.

“Bro, tell me, did you sleep with her?” Nino went straight to the point.

“Yes,” was the shy answer of Adrien, who didn’t understand how his friend figured it out. “On the Bastille Day,” he added dreamily.

“Well, congratulations, you’ve stormed _your La Bastille_ successfully.”

“And if we talk seriously?” the guy frowned again, totally not liking the fact that everyone seemed to know what the stick was, yet somehow refused to tell him. “Marinette,” he called out to his friend, who was still poking in her plate, and didn’t even make a polite pretense of participating in the conversation, “could you help me, at least?”

***

Marinette paid absolutely no attention to the conversation – she was far more worried about how Noir took the news about the kitten. Was it the right thing for her to do, putting him in front of the fact? Perhaps she should have stayed and waited for his reaction after all? The damn bout of sickness, curse it, made her leave too fast. How could she even imagine that the usual run over the roofs will make her so nauseous? And now she could only guess about Chat’s attitude toward his unplanned fatherhood. Marinette was certain Noir won’t leave her… them… but, basically, he had to be introduced to the mother of his future child, and her – to the guy who wore Chat’s mask. It was weird, somewhat frightening and…

“Marinette, could you help me, at least?” Adrien’s voice brought her out of her reflections. For the first time the girl brought her gaze up from the salad, and looked at her friend, who was holding _a positive pregnancy test_. “What is this stick?”

“D-don’t you know?” she tried to clarify, stuttering in front of Adrien for the first time in four years. Then Marinette looked at Alya, who merely threw up her arms, confirming Adrien’s naivety and ignorance.

“If I did, I wouldn’t have asked,” he stated once again. It seemed his list of “traitors” now included Marinette as well. But how, damn it, could she tell this twenty-two years old sunny kiddo, that the games he was playing with his girlfriend were _not_ kid games, and had some consequences already.

On the one hand, it was obvious; the guy grew up sheltered, including from unnecessary, in his father’s opinion, information, and even Marinette herself had only learned what a pregnancy test looks like once she herself needed one… On the other hand, becoming a father is something Adrien should have learned about from his girlfriend, not his friends! What kind of person was that, jumping into his bed, and then not even bothering to explain she is pregnant?

“Did your fallen _La Bastille_ tell you anything?” The question bothering them all was voiced by Alya.

“No,” Adrien sighed as he put the stick on the table in front of himself. “Handed it to me and left.”

“Maybe she wasn’t happy about the little bastion news herself,” suggested Nino, adjusting his glasses.

“Maybe she had no time to explain everything,” Marinette reflected aloud, remembering how she handed Noir her own test, without saying a word. She could only hope her Kitty wasn’t as detached from real life as Adrien.

“Yeah, right, no time for such an important thing,” Alya snickered. “I agree with Nino. See for yourself, she even managed to bite it!” Césaire pointed at the stick, with obvious teeth marks on one end. “Must have gnawed it from anger, once she learned the result.”

Marinette instantly went pale.

_Not from anger._

Marinette flushed deep red.

Damn it, no one in their right mind would bite a _used_ pregnancy test! However, _before_ the use, from all the nerves… yes, once her fingernails ran out, she did gnaw at the test before using it as intended.

Bang!

Marinette jumped up so suddenly that her chair crashed onto the floor.

Ladybug, on the roof, had silently handed her pregnancy test to Chat. Adrien’s girl handed one just like that, even marked with teeth, to Agreste, without saying a word. Either there was a conspiracy between Noir and Adrien’s girlfriend, or…

Nonononono! That was plain impossible! Her nice smart Kitty could not be such a moron, incapable of determining what a pregnancy test was without his friends’ help! Of course, it was rude to call a guy she crushed on for years that, but one couldn’t be that naïve at twenty-two! That – what was her name – _La Bastille_ will be very lucky if the baby won’t inherit her father’s intellect…

Wait.

They usually called Adrien’s girlfriend Bugaboo, ~~as Noir sometimes called Ladybug,~~ since Adrien was yet to introduce her to his friends (well, Marinette herself was yet to introduce her Kitty, but she had valid reasons – secret identity, after all!) Why the sudden name change? It seemed unlikely Adrien had a different girlfriend now, considering how much he was pestering his friends about his love for her.  
  
“Why are you calling her _La Bastille_?” Marinette asked hoarsely, having missed the beginning of the conversation. After all, lately, she had her own associations with that legend of France.

“Because she stopped being impervious on the day of her fall,” explained Alya, confirming her friend’s most terrible guess.

***

Over the last two days, more mysterious things have happened to Adrien than over his entire life.

First, Ladybug had handed to him that mysterious stick with two lines. Then, there was his father’s very strange reaction to said stick. Then Nino and Alya have somehow decided that Adrien’s ignorance was extremely; insanely hilarious. And finally, the usually quiet Marinette, with the words “That’s not why I gave it to you, stupid Furball!” slapped him, grabbed the stick off the table, and, clutching it to her chest, stormed out of the café.

Adrien’s instincts were telling him that he must catch up with his friend (at the very least, to get back what his Lady gave him), so he rushed after Marinette before Nino and Alya recovered. However, upon running out of the café, Adrien only caught a flash of his former classmate’s pigtails disappearing behind the corner, and once he himself got to that corner and turned…

He froze, seeing Marinette turn into _his very_ Lady, throw her yo-yo at the roof and fly away.

Even if Adrien didn’t know yet what the stick was, he did realize at once that he messed up royally. And he also realized he must catch up with _his girlfriend_ at all costs.

***

Ladybug was always fast, and when necessary – _too_ fast. Like now, when she had vanished so quickly, that Noir, to his greatest chagrin, lost track of her. Moreover, upon switching his staff into communicator mode, Chat didn’t find her beacon upon the screen, which could only mean one thing; the heroine had detransformed already, so the young man had absolutely no idea where to look for her. Unless…

Three years ago, Adrien, in secret from his father, had managed to buy a house’s attic and refurnish it into a heroes’ hideout. There, the heroes of Paris have often conducted meetings and dates, along with celebrating the day of – akuma damn her – Bastille.

And that’s where Noir found Marinette.

“Hello,” Chat said hesitantly, not daring to look in the eyes of his Princess, who was sitting on a sofa, twirling the accursed stick in her hands.

“We’ve met already,” she grumbled in either embarrassment or displeasure.

“So I am that dorky jokester?” Noir stated, scratching the back of his head, as he recalled what Marinette said about her boyfriend.

Too bad he hardly ever listened to her stories.

“After the number you’ve done today, you can stop trying to pretend you have a brain,” the young woman snickered.

“You could have told me what this is,” Chat noted, sitting on the sofa next to her.

“You could have googled, instead of assembling the Academy of Sciences,” Marinette countered, while allowing her boyfriend to hug her.

“And yet, what is this thing?”

“Before I answer, tell me; do you still love me? After learning who I am outside the mask?”

“I do,” Noir stated without hesitation, kissing the top of Marinette’s head. “And if you, having learned who I am, have stopped loving me, then I swear, I will conquer your heart again.”

“You’ve managed to steal me from yourself,” the girl chuckled, pressing herself against her Chat’s chest. “So, I don’t think I’ll ever manage to stop loving you.”

“Will you marry me?”

Chat often dreamed of asking his Lady that question, with it happening under circumstances so romantic that his love will remember it for her whole life, so he was surprised himself at how easily and suddenly these words came out of his mouth. Still, he had no intention of taking them back, and was really hoping to hear a “Yes”.

But Marinette decided to answer another question.

“That ‘stick’, as you call it,” she sighed, “is a pregnancy test. We are going to have a baby.”

“So, I’m going to be a dad?” Adrien clarified in an indistinct tone, feeling a happy grin spread on his face. He had learned his lady’s identity, and he couldn’t imagine a better girl under the mask. Bug… Marinette… didn’t stop loving him after learning his identity. And now, they were going to have a Kitten… He could have never imagined so much happiness in a single day.

“Yes.”

“Can I consider this a ‘yes’ to both questions, My Lady?” Chat purred into his beloved’s ear.

“Yes,” Marinette answered as she raised her head and kissed her boyfriend on the cheek. “So long as we’ll manage to explain to Alya and Nino how come we’ve been dating each other and told them nothing.”

“Because my _La Bastille_ is too shy,” said Noir with a wide grin, kissing the future Madam Agreste on the corner of her mouth.

“Where did you find one like that?” Marinette chuckled as she leaned in for another kiss.


End file.
